Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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