this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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