I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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