the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
