my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
