I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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