Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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