last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
