Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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