...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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