Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
