seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
