i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
