I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
