Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
