we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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