I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
