I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
