Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
