Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
