There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
