it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
