i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
