all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
