haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
