My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
