went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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