A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
