We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
