I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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