i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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