NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize