It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize