Need sex. Gaining weight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
