I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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