I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize