My hair reeks of homosexuality.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
