i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
