when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
