I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
