how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
