She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
