Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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