i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
