woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
