just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
