I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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