this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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