never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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