Jerry, you need to find god
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
