I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
