Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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