I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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