She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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