mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
