i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
