I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
