I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
