brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
