Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
