the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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