i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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