ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
